The other day the school called me to tell me that my daughter had dirty ears. That annoyed me like you wouldn't believe. Don’t they realize that I am busy taking care of frozen pipes, sick kids, and trying to recover from my own surgery? How could they bother me with something as petty as dirty ears.
I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day and well into the night over that phone call. I even stayed up half the night wallowing in it until I was to tired to keep my eyes open. My husband asked me what was wrong, but that just pissed me off more. I tried to explain it to him but he is a man. Of course he wouldn't understand.
His response was
“I can’t believe that nosy school nurse had the nerve. Doesn't she have enough kids to worry about every single day. How dare she take an interest in one of them, and assume her parents were too overwhelmed to notice her ears. What makes it worse is that this is the very same school where a teacher picked up on our son’s disability and went out of her way to get him help, all while grieving the death of her husband. You are completely right in thinking they are out to get you. They’re probably sitting around the faculty room discussing what a bad mother you are as we speak, you know with their spare time in between taking a personal interest in each of the 300 + students that attend that school.”
Then came the smug smile. Oh how I wish I could think quickly on my feet and throw out a comeback to wipe that smile off his face. I absolutely detest when he is right about things.
So my daughter’s ears are clean now. I also made her scrub underneath her nails as well, just for good measure. But it’s not enough. Her ears are just a symptom of a much bigger problem. And I’m the only one who can fix it.
It’s time for me to stop being angry. I got sick. It sucks. But there is no one to blame, and that is the worst kind of anger to have. When you have no specific target to be angry at, then you end up being angry at everyone. I couldn't do the things I loved to do, so I got angry at every one who could. I stopped visiting friends, both in the real world and virtual one. I stopped communicating because nobody else could possibly understand what suffering feels like. I completely disconnected myself from the world.
Today is the last day in January, and I haven’t yet made a New Years Resolution. I think it’s time. This year’s resolution is connections. To make new ones and mend the old ones. So what if I can’t carry my sewing machine to the kitchen table, just yet. I can still visit everyone else and enjoy seeing your own creations. That’s what I have been doing for the past few days and I am overloaded with inspiration that I am stock piling for the day that regular sewing can be a part of my life again. In the mean time I’ll be looking for some other creative outlets that I can do right now. I've already started knitting, and as of today I am back to writing.
Look for me in the comment section on your blogs as well as here. I’ll be sure to check in as often as possible, when I am not busy visiting friends and cleaning out ears.