The other day the school called me to tell me that my
daughter had dirty ears. That annoyed me like you wouldn't believe. Don’t they
realize that I am busy taking care of frozen pipes, sick kids, and trying to
recover from my own surgery? How could they bother me with something as petty
as dirty ears.
I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day and well into
the night over that phone call. I even stayed up half the night wallowing in it until I was to tired to keep my eyes open. My husband asked me what was wrong, but that
just pissed me off more. I tried to explain it to him but he is a man. Of
course he wouldn't understand.
His response was
“I can’t believe that nosy school nurse had
the nerve. Doesn't she have enough kids to worry about every single day. How
dare she take an interest in one of them, and assume her parents were too overwhelmed
to notice her ears. What makes it worse is that this is the very same school
where a teacher picked up on our son’s disability and went out of her way to
get him help, all while grieving the death of her husband. You are completely
right in thinking they are out to get you. They’re probably sitting around the
faculty room discussing what a bad mother you are as we speak, you know with their
spare time in between taking a personal interest in each of the 300 + students
that attend that school.”
Then came the smug smile. Oh how I wish I could think
quickly on my feet and throw out a comeback to wipe that smile off his face. I absolutely
detest when he is right about things.
So my daughter’s ears are clean now. I also made her scrub
underneath her nails as well, just for good measure. But it’s not enough. Her
ears are just a symptom of a much bigger problem. And I’m the only one who can
fix it.
It’s time for me to stop being angry. I got sick. It sucks.
But there is no one to blame, and that is the worst kind of anger to have. When
you have no specific target to be angry at, then you end up being angry at
everyone. I couldn't do the things I loved to do, so I got angry at every one
who could. I stopped visiting friends, both in the real world and virtual one.
I stopped communicating because nobody else could possibly understand what suffering feels like. I completely disconnected
myself from the world.
Today is the last day in January, and I haven’t yet made a New
Years Resolution. I think it’s time. This year’s resolution is connections. To
make new ones and mend the old ones. So what if I can’t carry my sewing machine
to the kitchen table, just yet. I can still visit everyone else and enjoy
seeing your own creations. That’s what I have been doing for the past few days
and I am overloaded with inspiration that I am stock piling for the day that regular sewing can be a part of my life again. In the mean time I’ll be looking for some other creative
outlets that I can do right now. I've already started knitting, and as of today
I am back to writing.
Look for me in the comment section on your blogs as well as
here. I’ll be sure to check in as often as possible, when I am not busy
visiting friends and cleaning out ears.
